Actually, if Uwe Boll could conveniently be off-planet while these movies are being made, that would be great.
Sure, there's been some talk about a God of War movie, but it's not likely going to happen any time soon. Just like Halo, Gears of War, BioShock, and so many other great games, this movie adaptation is trapped in development hell. We know movies about ancient Rome and Greece do well (Lord knows there's been enough of them), and the surly Spartan has a huge built-in fan base. So what gives?
Samus Aran
There is definitely a market for sci-fi action with strong female leads: just ask the people who made crazy dollars off of Battlestar Galactica. Just tell me you wouldn't go to the Metroid movie, along with about a billion hardcore Nintendo nerds. Well, you are a liar, a liar who is going to Hell.
Ratchet & Clank
With Pixar dropping a greasy lemon this summer, we're going to need a serious dose of decent family-friendly flicks. Who better than everyone's favorite Lombax and robot duo, Ratchet and Clank? All the movie makers have to do, basically, is make a new game of just cut scenes and throw in some high profile voice acting. Bam, $80 million dollar opening weekend. Okay, maybe that's not all there is to it, but with a little bit of effort this could be a total win.
A movie about a little boy robot created by an elderly scientist to do his bidding? Try to find me a demographic this will not completely own. It's got action, robots, children, jokes, and hell, maybe a little romance. Besides, if this were to be successful (i.e., if they were to make it a live action flick and hire this guy to play Mega Man), it could open the door to a whole world of Capcom movies: Ghouls n Ghosts, Dead Rising, and Street Fighter (whoops, never mind) to name a few.
Fans want a Metal Gear Solid movie so bad. We've already seen that original voice actor David Hayter can play Snake. Give us Old Snake, Young Snake, whatever. We don't care. Just keep Raiden out of it, Kojima-san, and we'll show up with bells on (except not literally, because that's not very stealthy at all).
Why aren't there more big-budget ninja movies? I mean movies that are actually decent, not Korean Karate Hijinx 4 or whatever those DVDs are that only show up in the wild at Redbox. Let's have a Ninja Gaiden one, shall we? Ryu Hayabusa (literally, "Dragon Falcon") would make for a boss action hero, and that ninja scarf would look just fabulous whirling about on the big screen.
Look, this dude's career can't get any worse. Why not try for a Sonic movie? He's done everything else. And I mean everything else, including inexplicably not being able to totally defeat Mario at Olympic running. In fact, why don't they go ahead and just remake this Sonic anime VHS. It already has a better tagline than the vast majority of films out there, like "Titans Will Clash" for Clash of the Titans.
It's about time Castlevania shows 'em how vampire movies are really done. Dracula, Alucard, Simon Belmont: we want to see them all on the big screen, bringing back some of the respect for whipping that the fourth Indiana Jones movie sapped out of the movie going population. Yes, we want to see all of the Castlevania dudes except for that creepy Malus kid. He can stay right the hell on the Nintendo 64 where he belongs.
Wario is just awesome. Waluigi, not so much. He can be on vacation during the time this movie takes place. But Wario, man. That dude is awesome. If this is half as funny as his games, it'll be about twenty times as funny as the average movie comedy. On that note, where's my Super Wario Galaxy?
Really, we'd be stoked for any kind of Grand Theft Auto movie, but the truth is we can't get enough of 90s gangs. Since we're unlikely to get sequels to New Jack City, Boyz n the Hood, or Menace II Society, it's on San Andreas' shoulders to bring back low riders, fat gold chains, and honeys wearing Sassoons. As long as Samuel L. Jackson plays the character he voiced in the game, corrupt police officer Tenpenny, consider us sold.
The internet threw up on itself when IGN released that fake Legend of Zelda movie trailer on April Fool's Day awhile back. When everyone figured out it was fake, the disappoint was palpable. Let's not shrug it off, though. Who's to say it could never happen? Nintendo's got to be done licking its wounds from the Mario movie fiasco, right? Get Peter Jackson or Guillermo del Toro to do it, dump a ton of money into it, and we'll all die happy.
